UPDATED INFO and Prices: Hurray! Hurray! As the Famous Five might say After many months I've found a way to get back on to this site again - no time to keep the rhyme going. I seem to have only a 20 minute window before the gremlins fly in, grab my words and fly off with them. So..I'll have to be quick, and tell you that typically we charge a total of £200 for 2 nights for two persons. And for the most part less for a third and subsequent nights. eg £100 + £100 + £90 and we don't just offer you breakfast we stuff your cupboards and fridge with food that you have told us you like. STOP PRESS; 2018; this website(?) has only just been resurrected after too long lying dormant so we have vacancies for Easter. The text beneath this needs an overhaul (mostly repetition) but the content is correct .
If your dietary needs are exceptional, we would then evolve a price with you. Vegetarian?, Vegan?, gluten free?, dairy free etc yes - we can deal with each of those as individual diets. But Vegan and gluten free together,for example are likely to require specialised shopping most particularly because we give you way more than breakfast, and wouldn't want to give you less.
WHICHEVER SUITE YOU CHOOSE, typically the first night set-up costs (expenses) are so high that one night stays are neither feasible for you nor us.
ARE WE GOOD VALUE? If you like to wake eat access whenever, in a blissful bed taking together the quality of our location, house, rooms, services, goods, and very plentiful food for the sum charged we don't know of any establishment that gives you so much. Nor is it logical for them to do so. We operate the way we do, because we can't help it.
That being said we still might not suit you. If you are happy to rise in time to catch a 'Landlady' cooked breakfast and are generally looking for a traditional B&B, we are not it. Some of our competitors produce splendid Full-English breakfasts while not even my family would trust me to produce such a breakfast for them! What do we give you? A splendid array of food stuffs: smoked salmon? cheeses? Ham? bacon? eggs? (if you want to cook) and much more besides. So much in fact that you'll find there's enough to make other meals as well We always start you off with wine/beer/cider/ (you choose) and a plentifully stocked fridge and larder. The selection of foodstuffs being such that very few guests choose to eat out on the night of their arrival
WHERE ARE WE? Although we are beautifully located at the centre of four footpaths, off The North Weirs Forest Track we can walk into The Village Centre within 10 minutes. We reach the edge of the Shopping/restaurant area within 8 minutes. We are actually IN Brockenhurst whereas to be included in a Specific destination category by The Tourist Board you need only be within 5 miles of it. As befits a place of magic, Google Earth has us in the wrong place and most Sat Navs won't find us; they'll send you to the otherBroadlands Rd which only links to us via a narrow footpathAs soon as we reach our gate our Sat Nav anxiously tells us to turn around! So...we always send driving directions. If you are coming by rail, we will always collect and return you - SEE BELOW
HOW DO WE DIFFER FROM TRADITIONAL B&B'S HOTELS. WHAT DO WE OFFER?
BROAD OAK? In a large nut shell we don't know anyone anywhere who offers B&B in the same idiosyncratic way we do. It doesn't mean that there isn't another place like ours out there, just that we don't know of them. The difference between us and many of the others out there is as follows:
We don't have a standard house. I love our house and it is large enough for us to expect no-one to be disturbed by any other;
Incidentally we never disturb guests in-situ; the goblin outside and set away from your door will tell us whether you are in or out.
We don't need you to go out at any particular time if at all; we always try to accommodate our guests, we don't expect them to accommodate us. You'll find such a generous store of provisions in your fridge and in your stores that unless you are so inclined you won't even have to go out.
If the weather is unpleasant or you are recovering from a hectic work schedule you might not even want to go out. We like to think that Broad Oak is a destination in itself. We go for the wow factor, for the fantasy element. Feel like a Fairy Princess climbing up to sleep on that glorious mattress beneath a garland of faux ivy and fairylights in The Princess in The Pea. Suspend your disbelief in The Romany Vardo Suite as you too lie under fairy lights in your luxurious king bed watching the faux flames flickering in the little black stove. Try the crystal ball, and The Tarot cards, read about fairies (Do they exist? A charming Pagan once invited me to see some!) and read how to spot UFOs.
In your bathroom we'll pile up towels in a mass of colour, each washed with it's own colour family to keep it bright and 'true'. Unless you ask otherwise we'll inject considered colour everywhere. We don't like white sheets and towels. A huge hoard of soft furnishings and accessories enables us to alter our hideaways to suit Visitors' preferred styles. Querky? Dramatic? Romantic? Edgy? I can even get close to quiet good taste if I try. A mixture? We ask you about your preferences, and we love marking celebrations and special occasions. Cake? Yes with and without celebrations, always cake - the sort you like?..and a bowl of fruit and much much more besides.
We always give you enough food to extend beyond breakfast - all fully Included in the price.If you never eat out we won't know and we won't care; we will pass on appropriate food that is in date and unopened, to the next visitors; somehow it works. Everyone eats their fill and so far no-one has emptied the stores. After an energetic day's biking or walking many choose to eat in, and can probably do so from the provisions provided. Hopefully the ambience you return to, will appeal. Arrive here as late as you like. There will be food here that you like, together with wine/beer/cider - your choice.
We don't leave chocolates on Guests pillows! Why would we? We provide everyone with their own collection of naughties to tuck into if they are so minded - and there is always the Witch in the hall to offer more. But our pillows ....will be as comfortable as our king beds, which are blissfully comfortable. Are they ordinary or even orthopaedic beds? no! no! If orthopaedic beds are so good for you how is it that Mike and I have never ever spent a good night in one?. In fact we don't recall ever sleeping in a comfortable bed away from home , and since we are gettingonabit, ever is a long time. Our beds, many say, are too comfortable to get out of.
Since the standard departure time for Guests is now 12 noon, you can guarantee two lie-ins and won't need to cut back on Saturday night revelry in order to have a fixed time-window breakfast.
We give lifts to and from the station just because that removes any stress engendered by having to find a strange place with luggage in tow - and ON DEPARTURE WE ARE HAPPY TO TAKE GUEST'S LUGGAGE TO THEM AT THE STATION IN TIME FOR THEIR RETURN TRAIN. so enabling them to make the most of their last day. .
EVERYTHING WE DO AND GIVE IS FULLY INCLUSIVE There are no extra charges.
All that being said, not all the above is of use to everyone. As previously mentioned you might want a landlady/lord-cooked breakfast and you might be happy to get up to coincide with standard breakfast times. If you have a car you won't need to be concerned about luggage. You might want to eat out a great deal, although our prices which definitely include the price of much more than breakfast are not significantly higher (if at all) than for other comparable B&Bs which of course don't operate in the same way. You might prefer a modern house/bungalow - probably brilliant for asthmatics.
THE ROMANY VARDO with-en-suite bathroom Brintons Galleria carpet, and KIngsized Hypnos bed. We would expect this bed with Comfort Classic mattress and 4inch topper - not memory foam - to give you a blissful sleep experience. Fairylights and a host of fun elements including crystal ball, hopefully provide as much of a destination as the Princess and The Pea. The Romany Vardo is on the first floor. At the moment of writing we have no photographs of The Romany Vardo on this website, but I can email some to you, as I can additional details..all of which will eventually find their way on to this site..
BUT BACK TO THE IMPORTANT MATTER OF FOOD - you can reach ...the Tesco Express and Sainsbury E xpress within a 10 minute walk. They are both open until 10 pm and carry a large selection of items including alcohol.
SOLO PERSONS? COUPLES UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE STAIRS TO THE SECOND FLOOR? FRIENDS utilising separate duvets in the king bed? The Romany Vardo might be particularly suitable for these categories of guests
IThe collection in MORETHANYOU'DEXPECTmode, from bargains in your freezers and treats on your shelves is generally standardised, and with a bit of tweaking for you if necessary, will be as follows:-
WINE red (dry) unless you state white (dry) .........................- MILK whole unless you state otherwise...........................BREAD, wholemeal/brown unless you state otherwise............ ............................. BUTTER, TEA, COFFEE, SUGAR, JAM & or MARMALADE . BISCUITS, CAKE (always cake) a large selection of CEREALS, YOGURTS; usually organic. You will find other PROTEINS in and out of the fridge which, to date have included CHEESE and/or TUNA, SMOKED SALMON, HAM , I'll never buy you 'formed' HAM, unless you ask for it. You might prefer bacon;if so we aim to give you the latest 'Naked' Bacon which is additive free. EGGS - usually organic but if you don't eat fish then we'll aim for eggs containing omega 3. SAUSAGES. FRUIT and FRUIT JUICE You will usually find ICE CREAM, SOUPS MICROWAVEABLE RICE and various quality 'bargains'/treats? (if I can find them and I usually can) in your freezer and on your shelves.We'll give you potatoes and salad stuff. I'll send you a food list for you to indicate the kind of foods and juices you enjoy, and you can be assured that you won't find Mother Hubbard Cupboards here
You'll find more text below, but the 'move paragraphs up' facility seems to be working to a rule I don't understand so please continue to jump the gaps and scroll down. I have edited some of the text below this and at a quick glance the rest of it still seems to be valid. Thank you for your attention so far.
Much of the food we give you will not require cooking but we can give you several other staple items together with useful portable equipment if you ask us for it - no additional charge of course. Apparently in our situation our advertising is crucial. We can conduct private conversations about the food you would like, send private emails and make private arrangements with you but unfortunately there appear to be no definitive Guidelines for us to read, and although the Rating Officer was very helpful, and will no doubt be so again, there is no legal mechanism for him to give definitive comment on my published text.
Please let us know if one of you has any special dietary needs. For the MorethanfYou'dExpect mode we reserve the right to provide on that same dietary basis for both guests - although it is usual for us to tweak that to suit you as individuals.
..................... Although we prefer Waitrose, we may not always be able to shop there This may sometimes affect the brand of milk and bread you receive. That being said, Morethanbreakfast shopping will usually coincide with our Weekly Waitrose Shop, and if it doesn't, we would still aim for quality. For example on one occasion when Waitrose had sold out of Duchy organic milk (unhomogenised, so not scarring the heart) I was prepared to buy Organic milk from the Village Tesco Express but, when only standard Tesco milk was available I drove to the nearest Farm Shop to buy their milk. Then considering the remaining bread in the Farm Shop to be inferior to Tesco's 'Finest' wholemeal bread I drove back to Tesco Express. OTT but hopefully it works in your favour. However we now also have a Sainsbury's Express to add to the mix. So most guests, including vegetarians (and even those without cars) will also find it very easy to add to their stores from shops in the Village, if they choose to. Brockenhurst also has a number of Takeaways in addition to three pubs and a varied selection of other eateries..off the top of my head , Thai, Indian, Italian, Chinese, fish and chips...
RE THE MATTER OF DAILY CLEANING these Hideaways have many more additional facilities (with other facilities provided on request) than you might expect in most hotel and B&B suites. At the moment of writing In the matter of lighting alone, excluding bathrooms- The Princess and The Pea has ten means of creating light and light effects, the Romany Vardo has nine. 2016: we now also give you laser projectors for your ceilings which with the 2 hour auto cut off, lets you to fall asleep under a mass of stars drifting in and out of magically deep blue clouds.
THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN (bed too high, storage low because of the eves, table corners sharp) but is suitable for anyone else mentioned above - except for the physically infirm
The ceilings are of standard height with the addition of faux flowers to the side eves, and therefore will not be a problem for most Adult Guests.
****HOW CAN WE RECONCILE SERVICING in this MORETHANBREAKFAST mode WITH VISITORS HAVING PRIVACY AND ABSOLUTE FREE CHOICE OF MOVEMENT?
There is a goblin (yes, a goblin) at the foot of each private staircase. If he is lying down, we assume Visitors could also be doing the same, that the visitors are IN. If the Goblin is sitting up and ready for action, the same could be said of the visitors - and we will then assume they are OUT. Even so, we still knock and proceed to enter with caution in case Guests have forgotten that the Goblin is supposed to be mirroring their movements. While you are IN we advise you keep your key turned in the lock at all times, just in case you've forgotten to alter your Goblin on your way IN If Visitors decide not to leave their suites until late, or at all, on any day, that's fine with us. In an otherwise stressed existence, occasional days spent lying around/doing nothing much, can be restorative.
We check the Goblins from time to time and enter when Guests have gone out. If our timings don't coincide (rare) with that of Visitors and eventually we have no choice but to go out, we take the view that if servicing is not the Guests' priority on that day then neither need it be ours. The ethos we are aiming for here is very relaxed, very comfortable. If Visitors wish to make contact with us and by then we ourselves have had to go out, notes re their requirements/queries can be left at the foot of P&P's stairs, outside TRV's door or outside our gold hall-curtains, or we can be reached on our landline or mobiles.
We used to provide a brass hand bell for Guests to ring when we were at home, but we now ask guests to telephone if they need us. A card with our land and mobile numbers now stands where the bell once stood. I am hard of hearing and the six telephones in the house manage to reach the spaces that the brass hand bell never can.
When the goblin remains resolutely asleep we can leave additional provisions in cold bags outside the Romany Vardo our side of the outer screen and the top step of The Princess and the Pea - and then we ring a high pitched bell that you should all be able to hear despite your heavy doors inner curtains, door mufflers etc - and then we go away. You come out to take your goods in. Later - we just call back to check that you have taken in your goods. If still there we might take them back and leave you a note asking you to phone us when you want them. That's one way to manage such things. However frequently now, most of you come with iphones and lap tops in which case it is is easier for us to let you know about the food delivery by email. We do however reserve the right to enter if we feel we have serious cause for concern. What might be cause for serious concern? Since such an occasion has never arisen - not even during during the previous six years when we operated in this way - we don't know!
But please be aware that these are not standard B&B en-suites to be cleaned. The Rating Officer says we are allowed to give extra equipment if we are asked for them, which assuredly is what we do - at no extra charge. Some of our guests may then in a limited capacity, be able to use the suites as temporary mini-homes. The volume of cleaning therefore can be high Incidentally we have a Guests Laundry Room with w.machine and separate dryer
HOW EARLY OR HOW LATE CAN VISITORS TAKE OVER, AND WHAT TIME ARE THEY REQUIRED TO LEAVE? 3 PM IS OUR IS OUR USUAL EARLIEST STANDARD TAKEOVER TIME but if Guests would like to leave their luggage with us sooner than that, there is not likely to be a problem. If the let is not an immediate follow-on and we have been able to prepare the suite in advance, then of course, earlier access will be given. By earlier access we mean after lunch. Please note that for various reasons, not least fitting in with the Cleaners timetable and my need to shop for Guests before they arrive it just isn't likely or usually practical for anyone to take over in the morning. If we have enough warning we may be able to compromise with Wedding Guests who need to change.
An expected time of arrival would be useful in enabling us to plan our day/evening, but we are well aware how such intentions can go awry. Under those circumstances we would appreciate our booked Guests keeping in touch as their journey progresses.
We are now experimenting with a 12 noon departure time. Our plan being to begin cleaning for follow-on guests after that. The rest of the time of course, you can rise, or not, when you like. If you are planning to leave much before 10 am we would be grateful for a note to that effect. I am often in my study until the early hours - at this very moment of writing, the time is past 1 am - consequently I am usually a late riser, but I would hate not to be around to say goodbye to our visitors
WHAT MIGHT OUR VISITORS FIND USEFUL TO BRING? see the page dedicated to this.
Please telephone 01590 622208 for further information. Thank you for your interest!